Monday, 11 August 2014

Frustration Lead to a Productive Weekend

Good morning everyone!

Here we are on Monday morning and I have taken a moment to consider all that I have accomplished this weekend.  I was on fire!  I got the paint purchased for the repainting of the house, got all the plants purchased for the new flower beds that we had built, got those plants planted, weed barrier placed and mulch all installed, cleaned all the house, washed all the bedding for all four beds and dusted all 3100 square feet of my home.  I had sweat pouring from my brow all weekend and I realized that I work well when I am angry or frustrated.

I was upset with my husband for talking smack about me with his mother while my children were in the house.  I was upset with my 18 year old for some mean things to me… like really mean things!  I was frustrated that the same 18 year old was still in bed at 11:30 in the morning and I was too angry to go and wake her up.  I was frustrated that my sister in law was appalled by the conversation that her mother and brother were having about me while my husband did not see anything wrong with it.  Needless to say I had a rough weekend but it turned out that I was able to channel that energy for something positive and got TONS of work done.

What do you do when you are experiencing negative energy?  Are you able to turn it into something positive?  Let me know, I wanna hear your thoughts :)

Facing Forty Frustrated

Friday, 8 August 2014

(Hardly) Fit Friday :P

Perhaps I should rename my Friday posts to Fat-Ass Friday.

I was gonna start my diet and exercise regime this week!  I really was!!

Then family arrived from away!

I had a meeting Monday night.

I had a dinner Tuesday night.

Wednesday night is a blur!

Thursday night was for my aesthetician.

AND TONIGHT is not likely to result in any workouts neither :S

I have a bike date with my best girl friend Saturday and a long ride planned for Sunday.  I am going to make this happen!

Have a great weekend everyone and next friday I will post those dreaded before pics and that should wipe out any potential excuses to get my ass in gear!

Facing Forty Sluggish but Motivated

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Brazilian - Take Two

Good morning everyone!

So, just as I said in this previous post, I have decided to give the Brazilian a second try and will continue until I have completed four waxings to see if it gets better.  Yesterday marked three weeks post primary torture session and it was time to endure it again.

I have a new aesthetician because the first time I did it I was on vacation in a different province.  I had discovered the local torturer through my good friend and I made the appointment.  I arrive five minutes early thinking that I would have time to meditate while I waited but she was waiting for me and I didn't have time to relax.  She escorted me through the hall and into her chambers.  To the right of the door was a curtained off segment and I was instructed to go on in and get undressed.  To my astonishment there were no baby wipes!!  OMG, I was not prepared this time… I went straight after sweating in my office chair all day.  I begin to panic and I know that I must confess that I thought she would have that option.  She looks at me and with a questioning look she tells me that I could go to the bathroom just down the hall.  I thank her and quickly escape the curtained area.

I get in the bathroom and my crazy brain starts working in overtime.  OMG, now she thinks that I am a dirty person.  Perhaps she thinks that I didn't shower this morning… I DID BUT… it is 3:00 in the PM.  Everyone would need to freshen up at that hour, no?!  I take a few deep breaths and clean up, wash my hands and I am feeling much more prepared.

I enter the room a little red-cheeked and take off my clothes and place myself on her table.  Now, this lady's table is really comfortable.  I look around and I am really impressed with this salon.  It feels pleasant and I begin to relax.  She asks me when I last had my treatment and I tell her that it is my second time and that the first time I did not get the results that I expected.  It left me with red blotchy spots and pimple like red spots.  I have developed a spotted vajayjay… not exactly an attractive look.  I suspect that perhaps I had a reaction to the wax?  She tells me that it is ingrown hairs o.O  NICE!  I have scared my pubs so much that they are growing in backwards now!!

She is gentle and speaks about caring for my vajayjay post waxing and I am feeling at ease.  She also declares that I am a natural blonde and I kinda snicker thinking that my hair stylist did a great job that she thinks that my hair is natural.  I respond that I was in my youth, with a smile and she explained that it is why I am sensitive.  She completed the front part and tells me to turn over.  Remember when I explained what happened the first time well, THAT was pleasant compared to what this lady made me do!  She had me on all fours, head on the bed and asked to "borrow" my hand to that I could spread my own cheeks!!  OMG  As I laid there I was thinking that this gives a whole new meaning to downward dog!  WOuldn't Tony Horton be proud of this yoga position!  Then I thought that it needed to have it's own name and went with "bad-dog" … so that is what my internal monologue was this round.

After that she had me lay back on my back and gave me a cold cloth to hold on my who-ha and I am sure that there was steam that was coming from it!  What relief though!!

So, the second waxing was a bit better yet far from pleasant.  It left me as red and blotchy as the first time and bleeding!  Maybe the bleeding was the result of her coming at me with tweezers!  I don't think that it could get worse than that!  I laid in bed last night and wondered if this was going to be worth it… then I patted it and thought, "yup, I think that it may!"  Someday I will not have anything more to say about it … I hope that someday it becomes a joy rather than misery.

How was your Wednesday?  Did you do anything exciting?

Facing Forty with a red-spotted Vajayjay

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Laughing is Good for the Spirit!

Good morning World!

I had such a great night last night!  A night with friends, wine, food and LAUGHTER.  There is almost nothing that makes me feel better than belting out my big laugh, letting my guard down and just enjoying a moment among the people I cherish.

As I approach my birthday and this last year in my thirties I am committing to taking more time with my friends.  Making time for the girls.  Taking time to do the things that we women love and laughing is among the top three of my list of favourite things to do.  So, in an effort to make this vision a reality I am starting a monthly ladies night.  It will be a gathering of women to share and support one another.  I will host the first of these nights and each night will have a theme.  Together my lady friends and I will decide on the following theme but one thing can be certain, all theme nights will be lady-related.  I am thinking about having a Passion party because that should be a GREAT way to kick things off :D

Do you all schedule time with your friends?  Does it help?  Do you do theme nights or just roll with it? Let me know… I wanna hear from you!

Facing Forty Inspired

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

When Will I Get Off This Roller Coaster?

Good afternoon world!

I have started a positive and upbeat entry this morning and then after letting it rest for a bit I recovered it only to change directions completely because I am no longer in the same mood.  Work has zapped my happiness but I get upset with myself for letting that happen!  I have to learn to control this roller coaster that I find myself on.

I have decided, rather, to speak of this roller coaster in terms of my marital relationship.  I am going to be exposing feelings that I have never shared with many people but I am choosing to share them with YOU today.  Just in case I am not alone and it sparks a discussion that may help ladies (including myself) get through this year with as few scars as possible.

As I have mentioned in a previous post I have been with my husband for the past 24 years and the relationship has been it's own roller coaster ride but mainly it has been fairly stable.  We have adjusted with the birth of our three children, we have grieved the loss of family members including four children who we never got to hold, we have traveled as a family, grown as a family and went from struggling to being financially stable and enjoying life.  He is a hard working man who loves me and our family dearly.  How blessed I have been because how many people can say that of their high school sweetheart?!

Why then do I want to leave sometimes?

What makes me resent him and my choices?

I have a great family who I love dearly!

I have a committed husband who stands by me through my medical issues, crazy moods and who supports my career goals.

My children need him and I know that my life would take a huge shift if we ever left.

Why do I think about resting in a bathtub ALONE for as long as I want?

Why am I wishing that I choose the music we listen to or the TV channel that plays at night?

Why am I wanting some alone time?

This is crazy because we argue less than most.  We have issues regarding our views on parenting but we are doing ok and not messing our children up TOO badly.

So where are these emotions coming from?

Is it from a lack of exploration when I was young?

Is it from a lack of experience with other men that has me wondering what it might be like?

Is this the curiosity that killed the cat syndrome?

Will this pass?

I do not want to be the kind of wife that cheats because I like my husband and don't want to hurt him like that.  I want to keep my promises to him …

But I am suddenly noticing guys that I had never paid attention to.

I think about sex almost as much as men do but it is rarely thinking about it with my husband.

And it is not because he doesn't please me … he does!

SO WHY??!!

WHAT is wrong with me?

This too shall pass, right?!

Facing Forty a Sexual Basket-case :S

Monday, 4 August 2014

Entering Manopause

Good morning everyone!

This weekend I found myself camping with my son and husband while the daughters ditched us and refused to partake in our weekend of over-drinking, over-socializing and general lack of parenting.  I can't understand why, we have some deep family discussions around the campfire that I am sure they will remember for a long time.

In any case, our weekend of three was like most camping weekends when we pull the oversized (like everything in our lives really) fifth wheel to the bike park that is two hours from our home.  We generally take all of 15 minutes to get set up (we have become pros) and don't even jeopardize our marriage anymore while I try guiding my husband into a campsite that is framed with large trees.  This weekend's setup was uneventful and ended in a high five between spouses and quickly followed by the filling of two red solo cups while humming the song, "red solo cup, I fill you up… let's have a party".

The whiskey was flowing and the energy was perfect for a night of fun.  We head out around the campsite on foot with the red solo cups in our hand pausing occasionally for a swig of the nectar of the gods that is sloshing around in our receptacle of choice.  We scope out our neighbours and it takes our son less than the length of the walk to have a following of new "friends".  They escape to the park and my husband and I go back to the trailer and start the fire, for tonight we drink and relax.  With the fire ablaze, the lighted palm tree and the string of LED lights glowing (YUP, just call us weekend white trailer trash) and the cooler filled with icy beverages the evening was off to a perfect start.  That is until my husband decides to blast his tunes over the outdoor speakers and I realize that what Sandra Tsing Loh describes in her glorious book (which I am 1/2 through reading), THE MADWOMAN IN THE VOLVO My Year of Raging Hormones, That is a perfect description of my husband and I declare to him that he is in MANOPAUSE.  (If you haven't read this book it is a must-read according to yours truly.  I will do a full review once I complete it)

Sandra has dedicated three pages of her book to manopause, a man's experience with their own menopause, and could only come up with two known symptoms:

1 - Obsessive you-tubing of old college rock bands **
2 - Declaring their LOVE of old songs they hear **

** This is as I recall it.  Certainly paraphrased and in truth my short term memory is so bad that I almost hate publishing this entry wondering how far off I was from the actual written work of Ms. Tsing Loh. **

I sit back in my favourite lawn chair, with my favourite drink in my favourite cup listening to Nirvana once again.  I look over at my husband who has his head back, eyes closed and singing like he is Kurt Cobain himself.  I realize that he too might be going through Manopause albeit pre-manopause because we are far too young to be "mid-life" :P

However, I must add to the list that Sandra began because my husband has also taken to the following:

3- Reading the likes of Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, George Orwell and Richard Dawkins.

When we were children (since we have been together since children) all he would read was magazines or Stephen King.  Never would he consider reading 1984 or Animal Farm from cover to cover.  So where did this man come from all of a sudden?

4- Questioning everything that makes him complete.

Suddenly my husband of 16 years (boyfriend of 24 years) has began to question his essence.  What does he believe?  What makes the universe tick?  What should we be teaching our children?  This has been hard for me as a Christian but the more we research and study together the more I begin to see why he is questioning; however, why now?  Could it be another part of manopause?

As I sat there watching my husband float back into the days of our youth I realized that although men, in general or at least the men in my life, are more logical and less emotional than females (or at least those in my life which includes me) that they themselves must also be experiencing changes.  Imagine that!!  No hot flashes, no saggy boobs, no erratical emotional spasms but still some changes that make you wonder how they get off so lucky.  Reminiscing and wanting to re-experience youth… that is what they get??  (insert some rolly-eyed emoticon here)

OK, rant over!  Are you married?  Is he going through manopause?  What are your experiences with it and can you add to our list?  Leave me a comment and let me know :D

Facing Forty with a husband entering Manopause  

Friday, 1 August 2014

Fit by Forty

Among the list of things that I want to do before forty is getting my fat-ass in shape!  I have struggled with weight for many reasons but I refuse to say that my "big bones" are the excuse for being fat.  Will I ever have a six pack?  Ummmm NO!  I like food too much :P  But will I be fit by forty?  HELL YA! And here is the plan to get me there:

1.  Get my fat-ass moving at least an hour a day
2.  Stop eating sugary shit (this is gonna be tough)
3.  Limit my alcohol consumption (I believe that you can still drink socially and lose weight)
4.  Be accountable
5.  Have a plan
6.  Take pictures and ignore the scale
7.  Try not to become obsessive about it
8.  Make the time EVERY DAMN DAY!

So, that is the plan and I think that it is a solid one!

Will I succeed?  99 3/4 percent guaranteed (quoted from one of my favourite books of all time).  I have brains in my head and feet in my shoes and I can steer myself in any direction I CHOOSE!

So my Fridays here will be an update on my activities for the week and you will see my inner-geek come out with stats.  I just can't help myself.

I will start with the stats next Friday!  TODAY, I binge :P

Kidding… kinda!

Facing Forty FITTER than my 30's.

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Losing my Brazilian Virginity

Good morning everyone!

As I approach forty there are a number of new things that I am wanting to try and experience and I am wasting no time getting things done.  For instance, I wanted to learn to run and run a race (completed June 2014), I wanted to get my ass in shape to wear my bikini on a cruise and feel good (completed November 2013; however, gained back some fat and I am working at getting rid of it for the next cruise), eat better and exercise regularly (in progress).  I am pleased with my progress with my long list of things that I want to do/focus on but there remains a number of things that I have yet to complete and moving from shaving to waxing was one of them.

You see, during the past 38 years I have managed to maintain a high level of grooming in the privacy of my own home.  It wasn't until I exposed my private parts to complete strangers while giving birth that I would even consider asking some stranger to wax my vajayjay.  As my little blonde hairs became fuller and darker I started thinking more and more about taking the plunge and taking my vajayjay back to its former glory by waxing.  So, during the spa session that I blogged about yesterday I decided to finally take the plunge, here is what happened:

Daughter2 decided to bring along the iPad and the magazine and had her fingers crossed that there would be wifi and nobody else in the waiting room.  She was pleasantly surprised to see that she got her wish on both accounts.  I left her to her electronics and proceeded to follow my aesthetician to a private room with an exam table (without the stirrups) that you might find in a Dr's office although it had a white crisp linen on it.  To one side was the wax and in the centre of the exam table was a hand towel and a packet of baby wipes.  She turns to me and smiles and explains that I am to get nekked, I can freshen up with the wipes and then place the towel over my vajayjay.  I feel the need to expose my mental state to the lady and tell her that I am a waxing virgin and I am somewhat shy and ignorant about the process.  She assured me that she has taken many people's waxing virginity and reassures me that everything would be fine.  She exits the room and I am left alone with my fears and thoughts.

I remove my shorts and panties very slowly because I had received a 5.5 hour thigh tattoo the day before and my leg was sensitive.  I then look at the wipes and I place them to the side as I had just cleaned up before I arrived, I mean who wouldn't?  Then I start thinking… that is right, who wouldn't and yet they have the wipes there… so perhaps I should use a wipe just to make sure.  I take two because you can never be too clean.  I am feeling a little under the gun because I have taken too long so I give my privates a quick and rather forceful scrub, jump on the table and quickly throw the itty bitty towel (nearly the size of a facecloth) over my waxing area.  I made it just in time for the gentle knock to sound from the door.  She is here!  Let the waxing party begin!

So, in walks the lady and asks me to lay my right leg to the side.  Oh dear, that is the side of my healing tat and I know instantly that this was ill planned.  I should have gotten the wax yesterday and the tattoo today … oh well, here goes nothing.  The lady notices how gingerly I am relaxing my leg and takes greater notice of the tattoo that extends from my knee to my hip.  She says that if I can withstand that this waxing will be a breeze.  This makes me feel instantly like superwoman and I know that this will be nothing!  She dips her popsicle stick in the wax and lays out the first strip.  It is really warm but kinda feels nice and then she places the strip of cloth over it and without notice RIPS out my hair from deep down inside my inner leg.  I kinda chock but I think that it is not gonna be too bad… I mean, I have felt worse pain.  Oh was I SURPRISED when the next RIP came because that was not as tolerable.  I quickly ask her if she has a tattoo… to which she replied that she did not.  I then explained that the next lady who walks in full of tattoos should not be told that the tattooing will make the waxing feel like a walk in the park because, in fact, I would re-tattoo the tattoo from yesterday TODAY rather than to continue this session.  She giggles and explains that some areas are more sensitive than others.  INDEED they are and to my surprise the worse was yet to come!

So there I laid for about 15 minutes allowing this lady to torture me.  I moved my legs as I was instructed and listened to her tell me that it gets easier the more I do it.  That all these years of shaving has caused my follicles to enlarge and thus the additional pain. I then question why they don't give the client a popsicle stick to chop down on while they torture us and she just giggled.  What she clearly didn't understand was that I was serious.  Finally, she appears to be done and she asks me if I want it all done… what kind of a question is that?  Of course I do!  I am here aren't I?  I paid $50 for this misery and I want my money's worth.  So, she tells me to roll onto my tummy and I oblige.  Now she separates the cheeks of my booty and smudges hot wax in my crack.  I lay there wondering if my haemorrhoids are exposed and what would happen if hot wax gets down too far?  I am now somewhat mortified because after seven pregnancies and three live births I doubt that my rectum is as pretty as the young girls that she has seen.  Then I begin to question myself about why I wasn't concerned about my vajayjay not matching the young girls standards.  WHat is wrong with my brain, seriously!

Anyway, the booty waxing was the least painful and dare I say nearly pleasant after all the suffering she just put me through.  It is quick, just two strips and I think that she may have put powder there afterwards but I was still lost in thought about my ass not being beautiful from the point of view that she had.  She tells me we are done and I bounce off that table like tigger.  I stand proudly and look down and without any thought I exclaim, "I just paid $50 to have my beautiful vajayjay look like a plucked chicken?"  To my horror I have red bumps and stretch marks … that is right ladies, if you get as big as I did while pregnant and swollen to the point of unrecognizable proportions you get the battle scars forever, even in places you never expect.  I disappointedly put my panties and shorts back on while she explains that I should exfoliate and not to wait longer than 3 weeks for the next treatment.  After 4 treatments it should hurt less or I should be more accustomed to it.

So today I am typing this entry with a pretty, yet stretch marked vajayjay and am perfectly smooth EVERYWHERE.  Will I endure it again?  HELL YA!  I mean, if I don't all of that would have been for nothing.  Will I have it ALL removed again?  NOPE!  Next time I am leaving a little to give it a little character while hiding some of the battle wounds.  I have decided that I will do it four times and if it gets easier I will continue but if not, I will abandon the idea.

Now, I have a question for you all… do guys get their testies waxed?  What are your experiences with waxing?  Let me know that I am not alone in this :P

Facing Forty bald :)

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Why am I so Annoyed?

Good morning everyone!

This morning, like every other, I wake up like I go to bed; feeling annoyed and well, tired.  Why is it that everything and everyone seems irked or unsatisfied with me and I am annoyed at them?  What I used to let roll off my back seems to be causing a great deal of stress in my life.  I piss my family off at least once a day, my children seem to be talking back more (or perhaps my awareness has just been heightened), even my Mom got upset with me two days ago for not serving dinner on time and being insensitive to their need to leave my home at a certain time (and I am still hanging on to her dismay).  Is it just me or does one become the single most disappointing female in the world when you reach your mid-thirties?  I just can not seem to be able to please anyone; however, everything that I do seems to provoke a rise out of everyone.  

Here is a common scenario in my home these days:

(me): I have booked a day for us at the spa sweetie so you and I can have some mother-daughter time and be pampered a bit.

(daughter2): Well Mom, what time is it going to be at?

(me) 1:30 for me and you are at 1:45

(daughter2):  What do you want me to do for the 15 minutes before my treatment?  Is there going to be internet?  Can I take the iPad?  Is there internet?  Will you be done at the same time as me?  Is there internet?

(me): Seriously?  What are you going to do?  Why don't you choose one of your many electronic devices and bring it along or, better yet, a magazine?  Why do you need internet with all the movies/music and games you have on that iPad?  Just bring something that is going to keep you busy and it is time to relax so may I suggest the book I just bought you or a magazine and leave the electronics at home.

(daughter2): Well, how long do I have to wait after?  Do I have to wait there?  Will there be other people there?

(me): OMG!  What is wrong with this picture?  I have treated YOU to a pedicure and all you can think of is if you may have to share a waiting room with someone WITHOUT the use of internet?  Can you not appreciate the fact that we are doing this together?  Can you not go 2 hours without the internet?  SERIOUSLY

(daughter2): ALRIGHT!  I was JUST asking!

Why does a simple and thoughtful moment have to turn into an argument?  I never had the opportunity to do any of those things with my Mom when I was young and if she took me to the grocery store with her I would never have even considered asking her what time we planned on being home and how might I be able to waste time while waiting for her.  I would have went and just pretended to enjoy it and in doing so I always seemed to find enjoyment.  So, my question is… is there something wrong with me or do I have a right to be angry?

The truth is, I hate being angry and annoyed all the time.  I just want to be happy again or was it just being oblivious… whatever it was, I want it back!!

Facing forty annoyed!!

Monday, 28 July 2014

Where to start?

Good afternoon everyone in the blogsphere.  My intentions with this blog is to anonymously document the realities of this nearly forty year old woman and my trials and tribulations.  I can sometimes be funny (by my measure), sometimes inappropriate (ok, often inappropriate) and ALWAYS truthful.  I will walk you though my journey as I face the milestone of turning 40 in August of 2015 and I won't even mind that you all are laughing at my expense, actually take a moment and tell me about it… I'd love to know that you are reading.

So, why the decision to write the blog anyway?

It happened today as my girlfriends and I were enjoying a liquid lunch (which is beginning to happen more and more) and I was sharing my personal experience of losing my Brazilian-waxing virginity this past week.  They were laughing and told me that I could write a column with all the crazy things that I have done this past year and continue to do and THAT is where the inception of a blog began and then Chick Fighting Forty was born!  I am not sure that I will tell them about the blog… not unless I don't get readers based on interest and merit.  That is when I may resolve to sending out the link to all my friends just so I know that SOMEONE is reading.  Please don't make me do that because they have heard most of my stories already and really I am intending them for YOU not those who know me.  Besides, as I mentioned earlier, this is supposed to be an anonymous blog.

Thanks for reading and I hope to keep you coming back to read often.

Keep Fighting with grace,