This morning, like every other, I wake up like I go to bed; feeling annoyed and well, tired. Why is it that everything and everyone seems irked or unsatisfied with me and I am annoyed at them? What I used to let roll off my back seems to be causing a great deal of stress in my life. I piss my family off at least once a day, my children seem to be talking back more (or perhaps my awareness has just been heightened), even my Mom got upset with me two days ago for not serving dinner on time and being insensitive to their need to leave my home at a certain time (and I am still hanging on to her dismay). Is it just me or does one become the single most disappointing female in the world when you reach your mid-thirties? I just can not seem to be able to please anyone; however, everything that I do seems to provoke a rise out of everyone.
Here is a common scenario in my home these days:
(me): I have booked a day for us at the spa sweetie so you and I can have some mother-daughter time and be pampered a bit.
(daughter2): Well Mom, what time is it going to be at?
(me) 1:30 for me and you are at 1:45
(daughter2): What do you want me to do for the 15 minutes before my treatment? Is there going to be internet? Can I take the iPad? Is there internet? Will you be done at the same time as me? Is there internet?
(me): Seriously? What are you going to do? Why don't you choose one of your many electronic devices and bring it along or, better yet, a magazine? Why do you need internet with all the movies/music and games you have on that iPad? Just bring something that is going to keep you busy and it is time to relax so may I suggest the book I just bought you or a magazine and leave the electronics at home.
(daughter2): Well, how long do I have to wait after? Do I have to wait there? Will there be other people there?
(me): OMG! What is wrong with this picture? I have treated YOU to a pedicure and all you can think of is if you may have to share a waiting room with someone WITHOUT the use of internet? Can you not appreciate the fact that we are doing this together? Can you not go 2 hours without the internet? SERIOUSLY
(daughter2): ALRIGHT! I was JUST asking!
Why does a simple and thoughtful moment have to turn into an argument? I never had the opportunity to do any of those things with my Mom when I was young and if she took me to the grocery store with her I would never have even considered asking her what time we planned on being home and how might I be able to waste time while waiting for her. I would have went and just pretended to enjoy it and in doing so I always seemed to find enjoyment. So, my question is… is there something wrong with me or do I have a right to be angry?
The truth is, I hate being angry and annoyed all the time. I just want to be happy again or was it just being oblivious… whatever it was, I want it back!!
Facing forty annoyed!!